1>Very few see the world in the same way
I do
2>Very few have lived a life similar to
mine
3>Many have had similar problems
4>I have managed to fix them for me
Now that that's out of the way....
The issue of discretion
has two sides...
On the one side, you maintain anonymity
and you always have the first impression to work with. That is good when
you start out in the world, especially helpful to cover your mistakes....
The price of it is invisibility. You have
little motivation to acknowledge and fix mistakes, and if something really
bad happens, you have to deal with it on your own.
On the other side, you become somewhat
of a circus freak show. Everyone knows what you are doing, and what <or
who> you've done. You hear about all of the faux-pas of the past...
The price is mostly teasing... but you
make damn sure that if you screw up it never happens again. The biggest
benefit is that if something really bad happens, the world knows about
it <not literally, but it a consideration>... If the people you meet
know ahead of time, they will behave better, and watch themselves... and
if they can't they go on to someone else...
I spent 15 years in a discreet relationship.
I never had anyone to turn to when things went wrong... no place to go
after a fight, no one to discuss things with to get an unbiased opinion.
I finally left that relationship because
it made me feel insignificant far too often. I had no friends or family
anymore... I was completely 'alone' with my thoughts the minute I was out
the door.
I am not advocating 'advertising', nor
do I suggest telling everyone everything, but you know that people in our
'community' talk about each other. They will tell others all about a person...
as long as the motives are just and the environment is appropriate.
This is something I have learned to work
with, and rely on. I am working towards being a more open and honest person...
that is just the way I want to be. I am not personally affected by other
people's opinions anymore. I can shake off the homophobes with ease now
<hell, they're a dime a dozen anyways>. I also feel much more comfortable
with the knowledge that some people out there know who I really am... and
are not just guessing at who I am.
The benefits have outweighed the drawbacks
so far... at least I don't have to deal with too many cheating husbands....
< a thing that I personally have issues with> . Naturally, I lose a
lot of quickie offers... but I am not really into that...
I live in the eternal hope that I will
meet someone else that is not closety or cagey and is honest with himself
and the people around him enough that I no longer have to cover my tracks
all the time....
I am gay! So What? It's no longer an accusation,
just a statement of fact. If I am with a man constantly... maybe he's gay,
too. So What? There are so many people in this world right now that my
being me and his being him is of little global importance... Not that I
think I'm insignifiacant, just that, in reality, I pretty much am!
Life is all about balance. While I am not
going to discuss some topics... I enjoy the freedom of saying 'I know him...
he's a nice guy,' or' steer clear of THAT one... he does such'n'such.'
I enjoy the freedom to get to know people inside and out... some are just
fascinating.
Discretion still has it's place in polite
society, but the price of absolute discretion is a loss of your own personal
freedom and right to self-determination. If you can balance the two, you've
got it made.
Personally, my biggest hurdle was this
very thing. I found myself thinking... What if I am wrong, and I am not
really gay, and it's just a phase like they all said? I can't go back after
this step... I will never be straight! I'll never be 'normal!" Well, if
I'm wrong, I'm wrong. Normal is not all it's cracked up to be, the phase
had lasted almost 20 years now, and does not seem to be going anywhere.
I'll take my lumps if I have to, but I don't think I'll have to. If I have
to be the circus freak, then let me be the best damn circus freak ever!
<as if it would get to THAT!>
I guess everyone does what they feel is
good for them, but I cannot put those kinds of limits on myself and be
happy with it anymore. I have grown a tremendous amount of inner strength
from my decisions, and that strength leads to even more growth, and that's
what my life is about.
Stay tuned for more in this lecture series...
<situations and issues subject to change without notice.. so there!>
TTYL Robert |
